Are you an emotional shopper?

Last week we had a scare. My baby (he's 6, but y'know..always my baby😉) was taken ill suddenly with acute pain which resulted in an emergency trip to the doctors then the hospital.
We rode a whole roller-coaster of emotions that day, from scared to worry, upset and thankfully relief.
Tears were frequent, stress was felt (i am now even greyer than last week, plus i had to cancel my hair colour appointment.. oh the irony.) and by the end of the very highly emotive day, I was exhausted, mentally and physically.

After Neo was safely deposited in to bed and snuggled within an inch of his life, I sat on my sofa, with Poldark on Netflix ( I know I'm a bit slow to the game on that one, but ooo its very good*.) my Tablet on, internet tabs open.
And i started to shop.
I browsed fiercely,  all my favourite haunts, Shopbop, La Redoute, Asos, H&M.... the usuals.
I added things to my virtual cart in each online store, I opened tab after tab and investigated piece of clothing after pieces of clothing.

At first i was just going through store after store, looking at item after item, before i stopped to actually think about what i was doing.

Internet shopping is my vice.

It is my comfort blanket. And when times get tough, i like to zone out and online-shop to ease the stress.

I think its because it feels like when i shop, i'm removing my minds clutter from the day. I start to think of outfits adding new items and things that would work well together.
It is my creative outlet, just as a painter would paint, I mentally prepare outfits and then imaginary shop for them.

Except sometimes the imaginary shop turns in to actual shopping.
And you end up with parcels being delivered to your door along with the impending guilt.
The couriers imparting packages as well as moral culpability (not sure they're acutely aware of that, although my local courier lady knows me on first name terms..), as when they hand over the goods there is of course a mixture of feelings: the rush of excitement over your next fix, delight over a bargain, but also the bitter thoughts of do i even need this, can i afford it and will i even wear it.

Then comes the trying on, wanting/rejecting and then keeping/returning with all the same feelings as above. Happiness over your new found glorious dress, guilt over the fact that you really don't need another dress and of course justification.."Well i've worked hard for this and it's been a tough week".
I have felt ALL the emotions.

I can only talk first hand about this. As a previous prolific shopper I know I'm a culprit to serial shopping, and emotional purchases are my Achilles heel. Consumerism is a vicious circle of constantly needing more and never being satisfied with what you have.
And even with my capsule wardrobe reigning me in a lot, I do still have those days when a purchase is what my brain craves to appease it.

Whats brought this more to light for me lately is Black Friday, which has now turned in to a whole week long event of sales and cheap purchases being encouraged by the retail trades. Multiple emails dropped in to my inbox hourly over the past weekend.
And yes I may have made a frivolous purchase or two.
But i'm going to mark it down as a learning curve.  Purchasing isn't always a bad thing and well, a treat can be completely harmless and enjoyable. But I think I want to be mindful of my purchases rather than finding myself cyber browsing for hours on end for no apparent reason.

I am just about to embark on my Winter Capsule and so will abstain from shopping so much, getting back on track with wearing and enjoying what i own.

And the next time I feel a bit emosh.. I'm going to try and pour that energy in to something else.

When do you shop? Are you an Emotional Shopper like me?

* Sidenote, period dramas are also my vice/comfort blanket apparently, Downton Abby is never far away.

Ladies, Lets Stand Together.. A heartfelt talk on being scrutinised and judged.

I try to keep this blog here a super happy place. It's not hard as ladies, you really are a fantastic bunch who support, encourage and impart compliments with ease. It's one of the many things I love about blogging: its a happy, open minded, positive environment.

There are a few things in life I am proud of, first would be my family of course, but second is my positivity towards others. I am a people-person and enjoy talking, helping and listening to others.
I strongly believe in raising others up, passing out compliments to anyone, and speaking kind words on a daily basis.
I am the person you will see in the supermarket that compliments you on your coat. I am the lady who tells you your hair looks great today, I am that person who notices and speaks it.

Why? Because I truly believe that imparting kind words to a fellow human is a great thing to do. It may life their mood, brighten their day or just make them smile. We've all been there, when someones said "oh i do like your dress" or "you look great today". How did it make you feel?
I know it always gives me the warm and fuzzies to think that person took a moment out of their day to say something nice.. to impart kind words to me.. That's pretty awesome wouldn't you agree?
Kind words cost nothing after all.

I guess because I am this type of person, it makes dealing with whats been going on harder for me, like i can't seem to comprehend why anyone would do that. Resulting in anger, tears and frustration.

The reason I'm writing this is to build awareness of these feelings and hopefully unite us ladies together. It's not a pity party for one (i've had that already don't worry, wine in hand singing "All by myseeellffff" at the top of my voice.. I'm over it and ready to positive party;)

To put a little context to this:
Lately, 'In Real Life' ( as opposed to the blogasphere) I've been experiencing some pretty bad scrutiny. Fellow women have been scrutinising my appearance, passing comment on my wearing of makeup, and multiple general 'digs'. This has been both to my face and behind my back.

Why would women do this to other women?

We all walk a tricky path juggling SO much the majority of the time, why on earth would someone think its ok to judge another on such personal things?
The judgements on me went like this:
"Why is she always dressed up"
"Who does she think she is?"
"Well she wears a face full of makeup all the time, She would never go out without it"
"Its false advertising if you ask me"
" Her boobs must be tiny!"
" Shes vain, and the job she does is just shallow"

Again Why? Why would anyone feel the need to berate another women and make them feel bad?
It honestly baffles me as i strongly believe we are all in this together.
Strong women raise other women up and believe in each other.
This is not helpful or productive critiquing.
This is just mean.

When i was a child my mum used to say "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"
But in a world of free speech i can understand people wanting to express themselves, but sit back and think.. Is saying anything derogatory actually productive?

After hitting a bit of a low, I gave in to the insults.
I sat in my saggy jogging bottoms, with no makeup and hair not done, all to make a point that no, i don't need make-up or nice clothes to go out. That underneath it all I am who I am.
Did i feel better? No, no i did not.
Why should i have to justify myself, my looks, my ways to anyone? Why do i have to be condemned for wearing makeup, just because i enjoy wearing it.
Why is wearing a nice day dress classed as "Dressed up" and the need to therefore put me down.

I have a teenage daughter. She see's my job here blogging, she sees my makeup and clothes and thinks that this is cool (sorta.. I mean I don't think she'd admit that out-loud.. 'cos y'know teenagers are too cool for that ;).
But.
I always tell her how beautiful she is without the need for makeup. I always tell her material gain is nothing in the course of happiness. I constantly try to raise her to be loyal, caring and considerate.
She has suffered at the hand of cruel mean teenage girls, and each time she does I tell her she is better than that, and that as she grows older she will see how women are no longer out to attack you, but will be there for you.
I honestly hope i'm not wrong. I hope as women we can stand together, no matter what our preferences are, and raise each other up.

As much as another persons opinion shouldn't matter, and on the greater scheme of things it really doesn't. When I put it in to context: I have a loving gorgeous husband who i adore, a beautiful blended family and a job i enjoy, so why does it bother me?
Because in this day and age, women are constantly bombarded with the media telling us :
We are too fat too thin, too tall too short, we need makeup, we need to be natural, we can do this but not that.
Surely when the world is firing at us from every angle, the real women: you, I and everyone in-between, should take a united stance together?

I got in touch with a few megababes to see what they thought on exactly this.

Here's what they said:


Vicki of Honestmum.com

''My feminist Mum gave me a badge to wear aged 4 which read, 'Women together are strong'. I've been living by that motto since childhood. I'm lucky that my Mum and other incredible women in my family were my blueprints for all the friendships and work relationships with women which followed. I'm a real girls' girl-always have been, always will be. I refuse to believe women's default is bitchiness because I've only experienced it as the exception here. 

 I say to others, be the example for others to follow-your kids, girls and boys. Don't talk about others behind their backs-if there's a problem, be candid and discuss things calmly and honesty. If something is consistently negative and destructive, walk away with your head held high.

 I think, fundamentally, friendship boils down to three things: love, trust and communication- as with all relationships. My life is so rich thanks to the women (and men) in it.'

Jane of My Midlife Fashion

Sadly I think most women will tell you that they've been on the receiving end of negativity/catty comments from others, which generally always stems from jealousy or their own insecurities. However this knowledge doesn't stop the hurt & can be so damaging to the individual.

But for every small minded person there are a lot more genuine & amazing ladies out there. Who are fiercely loyal & will support & encourage you to blossom & grow. 

For when women come together & support each other it's a powerful & beautiful thing. United we're a force to be reckoned with & anything is possible.  

Vicki and Jane have articulated exactly what I am talking about.

From this negative experience I am choosing to be positive (granted this is after the tears and anger.. but I am only human, and of course learning daily!).

Be open minded with each other ladies. Be encouraging and thoughtful and at peace with each other.

Respect for one another should be our default.

So here's my pledge.
I pledge to not speak badly of another women. I will not scrutinise someones choices. I  will give compliments freely each day and build others up wherever I can.

Who's with me?

Comment below if you stand with like minded women against scrutiny and judgement.
Have you ever been at the unfortunate hand of scrutiny and judgement for just being yourself?

Ps You Look Gorgeous today ;)

Discussion: Social Media main source for Learning Traditional Skills rather Than Grandparents

I got talking to a colleague this week, a topic I hadn't thought of until it was brought to my attention, but really struck a chord with me. At heart I am quite traditional, nostalgic and whimsical even. I love to look back over yester-year, reminisce and remember a time gone by. Friends, colleagues and family have always said I was quite possibly born in the wrong era.. of which I tend to agree.

A recent study for Deramores Online Knitting Store shows that Social Media is now the main resource for learning traditional skills, such as cooking, knitting, sewing instead of from our Grandparents.

With the ever growing on-line presence it seems more and more youngsters are opting to turn to social media rather than ask a family member.
Children are far more comfortable having on-line conversations rather than chatting and learning from their elders.

This astounded me.

Are we loosing the traditional methods of passing down skills from generation to generation, and instead opting for the likes of YouTube and twitter to be taught?

My grandparents sadly died before I could be taught anything from them, but my mother was taught by her mother how to knit, and she then in turn taught me how to knit.
The one thing that stands out from the time she took to teach me was the bonding that took place whilst we sat together and i listened and learned while she taught and encouraged.
I remember asking her numerous questions, her fixing my mistakes and showing me how to cast on and knit and pearl.

I wouldn't have swapped that bonding experience for anything.

Images Via Deramores

And now, my mum as a Grandmother has started to teach her Granddaughters how to knit, with fun projects like the Cbeebies programme The Clangers knitting pattern, she is bringing fun in to traditional skills to a younger generation.
And by teaching them, she not only imparts a great skill but also has built memories that will last them a lifetime.

You just don't get that from social media.

Just to play devils advocate here, the other side is of course that some of us don't have relatives to pass on traditions, whether that be due to distance, or loss, or just generally busy.
Social media is a 24 hour business, allowing us to dial in whenever we have a spare, convenient minute, it opens avenues that were possibly closed to us before, offering tutorials and blog posts with intricate instructions from people who know what they're doing, and happy to share this information.

Social Media definitely plays an integral part in our lives these days and a big part of our learning process.

My personal opinion is: Both are great sources for learning.
But traditional skills learned from our elders not only creates new abilities but are memory makers also. Learning from social media won't deepen the bond, or create those lasting thoughts of that time you spent with a loved one, whether than be knitting, cooking of gardening!
And if we turn to our elders, then maybe our children in turn will do the same.

A mix of both old tradition and new traditions, perhaps grandchild can show grandparent YouTube and new digital formats.

In this fast passed, throw away world we live in, bringing traditions forward with us a wonderful way to keep us grounded.

What are your thoughts on traditions? I would genuinely love to hear.
Were you taught any traditional skills by parents or grandparents?

I really fancy sitting down with my mum and picking my knitting back up, its been years and I could do with a refresher course with her over a cuppa and a chat.. You don't get that from social media now do you. Great coffee, great company, great memories made.

Thanks for reading and supporting RTH and the brands I very happily work with. I love a bit of thought provoking conversation.