We rode a whole roller-coaster of emotions that day, from scared to worry, upset and thankfully relief.
Tears were frequent, stress was felt (i am now even greyer than last week, plus i had to cancel my hair colour appointment.. oh the irony.) and by the end of the very highly emotive day, I was exhausted, mentally and physically.
After Neo was safely deposited in to bed and snuggled within an inch of his life, I sat on my sofa, with Poldark on Netflix ( I know I'm a bit slow to the game on that one, but ooo its very good*.) my Tablet on, internet tabs open.
And i started to shop.
I browsed fiercely, all my favourite haunts, Shopbop, La Redoute, Asos, H&M.... the usuals.
I added things to my virtual cart in each online store, I opened tab after tab and investigated piece of clothing after pieces of clothing.
At first i was just going through store after store, looking at item after item, before i stopped to actually think about what i was doing.
Internet shopping is my vice.
It is my comfort blanket. And when times get tough, i like to zone out and online-shop to ease the stress.
I think its because it feels like when i shop, i'm removing my minds clutter from the day. I start to think of outfits adding new items and things that would work well together.
It is my creative outlet, just as a painter would paint, I mentally prepare outfits and then imaginary shop for them.
Except sometimes the imaginary shop turns in to actual shopping.
And you end up with parcels being delivered to your door along with the impending guilt.
The couriers imparting packages as well as moral culpability (not sure they're acutely aware of that, although my local courier lady knows me on first name terms..), as when they hand over the goods there is of course a mixture of feelings: the rush of excitement over your next fix, delight over a bargain, but also the bitter thoughts of do i even need this, can i afford it and will i even wear it.
Then comes the trying on, wanting/rejecting and then keeping/returning with all the same feelings as above. Happiness over your new found glorious dress, guilt over the fact that you really don't need another dress and of course justification.."Well i've worked hard for this and it's been a tough week".
I have felt ALL the emotions.
I can only talk first hand about this. As a previous prolific shopper I know I'm a culprit to serial shopping, and emotional purchases are my Achilles heel. Consumerism is a vicious circle of constantly needing more and never being satisfied with what you have.
And even with my capsule wardrobe reigning me in a lot, I do still have those days when a purchase is what my brain craves to appease it.
Whats brought this more to light for me lately is Black Friday, which has now turned in to a whole week long event of sales and cheap purchases being encouraged by the retail trades. Multiple emails dropped in to my inbox hourly over the past weekend.
And yes I may have made a frivolous purchase or two.
But i'm going to mark it down as a learning curve. Purchasing isn't always a bad thing and well, a treat can be completely harmless and enjoyable. But I think I want to be mindful of my purchases rather than finding myself cyber browsing for hours on end for no apparent reason.
I am just about to embark on my Winter Capsule and so will abstain from shopping so much, getting back on track with wearing and enjoying what i own.
And the next time I feel a bit emosh.. I'm going to try and pour that energy in to something else.
When do you shop? Are you an Emotional Shopper like me?
* Sidenote, period dramas are also my vice/comfort blanket apparently, Downton Abby is never far away.
